Are we always acting with intention? Sometimes, we are aware of it; other times, it seems like it’s just a reaction. Intention can also be a double-edged sword. In one way, it gives us confidence and enables us to use awareness. On the other hand, we can assign intention to a situation that just doesn’t add up.

Intention shapes much of our interactions. It should be something we practice to become better humans. It’s a major part of my new book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. In the book, I discuss my life and how I’ve shifted my intention to the in-between versus only using it for the big episodes of life.

What Does Intention Mean in the In-Between?

When you think of intention, you may have a very straightforward definition. You set a goal and do what you must to achieve it. Your intention is narrow, focused, and resolute. Those intentions can support success, but they also create an obsession with the macro.

Intention in the in-between is different. I had to snap out of a bubble of the macro to get to this place. Two life-and-death experiences nudged me into this new phase. I had time to reflect on regrets and missed opportunities. I realized my life of intention was as strong as a house of cards. It is only related to the macro.

Living intentionally in the in-between means I am open to all experiences. I don’t come into them with a negative mindset. I can be more patient and welcoming, and these intentions don’t waver even if circumstances arise that change the moment. In the past, such an incident would have made me frustrated and angry.

Acting with Intention in the Micro Creates Joy, Peace, and Connection

The payoff of acting with intention in the micro is the opportunity for joy, peace, and connection. In my book, I tell the story of an Ironman competition, which had been a macro goal for many years. This time was different. Instead of being consumed by the macro of finishing the race, I embraced the in-between and helped a fellow racer. In that moment of intention, I was living a value that was critical to me—helping others.

What I got from the moment was a connection to someone else. It supported my growth and demonstrated how intention was now firmly embedded into the micro.

Applying Intention to Any Moment

Our life is a collection of moments, big and small. If we look at each as a chance to apply intention, it becomes a habit. It’s about setting the tone. If we go into situations with a clear and open mind, we can take much value from them. Practicing intention is similar to being mindful and present. You’ll have to be deliberate about this. Eventually, it will become second nature to look at your day ahead in this way.

You can explore more about acting with intention in the in-between by reading my book.

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If you want to grow and evolve as a human, it can be uncomfortable. If it weren’t, we’d all be a bit more aware and enlightened. What I’ve learned is that growth isn’t possible without reflection.

Reflection can come in a moment or much later. Enabling yourself to do this on a regular basis is a hallmark of emotional intelligence. It’s a big part of my new book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It chronicles my successes and failures as a leader, partner, and person. At its core, it’s about welcoming the micro to balance with the macro.

What Is Reflection?

I define reflection as connecting the dots and absorbing a scenario or situation to translate it. We have to reflect on our actions and responses as well as those around us. When we make time for reflection, we can learn from it. It drives greater awareness, which is crucial for growth.

Why Reflection Matters

A life in the macro makes no time for feedback or evolution. It’s the relentless pursuit of goals at the cost of others. Continuing this cycle is a destination for loneliness and repeating the same mistakes.

Reflection needs to be intentional. It should be something you actively practice. You can begin small, but eventually, you’ll need to pay attention to your past regrets. Only when you reflect on these instances in life can you move forward. Otherwise, they limit your capacity to grow.

Reflection and Feedback

When I began to give the in-between the attention it deserved, I was also open to feedback from others. I was able to digest it and not be immediately defensive or dismissive. Now, I see it as an opportunity to learn about others and myself.

By gaining and using this feedback, I was able to become more aware and reflective. It’s a loop, and your growth depends on it remaining so.

Reflection and Insight

From these cycles of feedback, I also gained insight. I could look back at defining traumas in my life with a new lens. I could see how others didn’t reflect and how detrimental that had been. I never wanted to repeat those patterns, but it drove me to be more macro-focused.

The insights, however, keep me in this continuous growth phase. I want to be a better person, so I practice reflection to gain insights.

The insights may not come immediately. You may have to dig deeper to reach an epiphany. The point is to keep trying.

Reflection Is a Spark

Another thing to consider is how reflection is a spark. It ushers in the idea of change because of the feedback and insights. It’s complex but so worth it, as this new perspective can be a moment of transformation. You can continue this progress of growth by being consistent about reflection.

It’s going to be uncomfortable and messy, but reflection is worth the energy. You can learn more about how I embraced reflection by reading my book.

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There are many variations of the concept of the loneliness of humanness. They say we are born and die alone. In between those two moments, we create connections and relationships so we aren’t alone in times of need.

No one wants to weather the world without someone in their corner. Yet, loneliness is almost an epidemic. Research shows that loneliness has an impact on our mental and physical health.

Loneliness doesn’t inherently mean the same as isolation or a lack of social ties. You can be lonely in a room full of people or a family of many. We don’t all crave the closeness of others. Trauma will certainly make you feel guarded. It also creates the idea that you’re better off alone because people will disappoint and leave you.

I was once someone whose identity was, “I don’t need anyone. I can do it all by myself.” That mindset kept me closed and held everyone else at bay. This perspective is one that I discuss in my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. The in-between or micro aspect of life describes all the little things that lead up to the biggest moments of life.

My internal thoughts and focus were on the macro of life—the big goals we set and do anything to achieve. It was a lonely existence, but deep inside, I knew that neither I nor anyone wanted to feel alone in times of need.

Human Connection Makes Us Human

In my book, I open with the experience of witnessing a car accident. It’s something that happens every day, but this was different for me. I became a helper at that moment, trying to assist those in the crash. One injured woman was desperate for us to call her husband. She needed to hear his voice, that connection.

It was an emotional moment and a good reminder that I don’t want to be alone in times of need. In the past, I was too obsessed with the macro. With an unwavering focus on some objective, I lost sight of what others around me needed. I was lonely, and so were they.

The micro-moments bring to light what we all need and deserve—to feel understood, appreciated, and not alone.

Most people have a great capability of being supportive and empathetic. We just forget it sometimes because of our internal mantra of achieving a singular objective.

Spending Time Alone and Fearful Led to Real Connection

In the book, I also write about having blood clots and how scary it was. I thought I’d die alone, and it was frightening. I spent a lot of time alone recovering from this health scare. It was a time of introspection, as I was trying to evolve myself into a better version.

It was a low point. However, it was a growth time, too. This introspection led to living in the micro and being able to embrace the in-between. Learn more about my transformation by reading my book.

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Everybody has the capacity to shift into defense mode. It’s a normal reaction to go into self-preservation behaviors. Sometimes, they occur when others are personally attacking us. Other times, they are more of a trauma response as we seek to protect ourselves. Other times, defense modes are a way to let ourselves off the hook when we are in the wrong.

Can you completely shed a defense mode? Not really, as they are built into our biology. What we can do is become aware of them and attempt to redefine how they present themselves in our lives.

The discussion of defense modes is part of my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It’s the story of my journey. In it, I talk about all the things I got wrong and how I recalculated my world to take notice of the micro and let go of the obsession with the macro.

The micro represents all the pieces of normal life. The macro refers only to the milestones or goals we’re expecting to achieve.

What Are Defense Modes?

Defense modes describe thoughts, feelings, and behaviors revolving around a need to protect. They are often the result of overwhelming emotions or situations. They can occur internally or externally. Science says it’s an actual biological response with physiological changes.

Thus, you can’t will yourself to avoid defense modes. It’s part of human nature. However, you can begin to recognize the patterns and correct them.

Defense Modes Cloud Judgment and Connection

When I’ve been in defense mode before, I had a singular mindset. I needed to fix whatever the problem was at the cost of everything else. I didn’t “see” the people around me or what my behavior was causing.

Defense modes keep us in the macro. This tunnel vision has collateral damage. My defense modes were to set goals and achieve them, with my destiny within my control. That’s what I believed was happening.

Why wouldn’t I want to resolve the issue that kicked up my defense mode? It would seem the natural response. However, a hyper-focus on the macro puts relationships at risk. Those caught up in this whirlwind were left feeling unappreciated.

I was trying desperately to overcome a challenge and remedy the problem. I cared so much about the future; I lost the present. My strengths have always involved setting and achieving goals. I thought this was an honorable trait. It is to some extent, but when it takes over our identity and life, defense modes become the rule rather than the exception.

Moving Away from Defense Modes

The best thing you can do to curtail defense modes is to reflect on previous moments. You have to build awareness around your responses. Reflection matters in how you proceed. In the moment, you should pause and consider why defense modes have arrived. You also have to embrace the micro as an approach to life.

Defense modes will never completely disappear. Understanding them and creating new behaviors will help. For more thoughts on the topic, check out my book.

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Intention is an action. It’s how we define what we expect from ourselves in a situation. It involves how we want to feel or what we want to achieve. Intentions represent a proactive approach to different moments in life, big or small.

However, they don’t always guide us in the right direction. They lack feedback and don’t have all the facts. Much of the time, the intentions we set are too rigid, controlled more by circumstances than gut feelings.

What if intentions were more thoughtful and informed? This concept is central to my book The In-Between: Life in the Micro. Here’s why this matters so much.

What Are Thoughtful Intentions?

Intentions are aspirational. We set a goal in our minds as we encounter new experiences. There’s no specific outline to these intentions or the ability to evolve them as we move forward.

Thoughtful intentions are the next level. They include the information at hand and support what you hope to achieve. They account for circumstances while not allowing them to take control.

Why Do Thoughtful Intentions Matter?

Evolving from standard intentions to those that are more thoughtful requires being outcome-focused. They deliver a way to be present in the micro-moments in life. These are where real living and authentic interactions occur.

It’s a way to prohibit circumstances from ruining the intention you set. We can’t factor these out, as circumstances will always arise. They’ll force you to pivot, but there’s less discomfort if you’re flexible and agile.

I’ve always respected thoughtful intentions, but I didn’t always practice them. Today, I’m still trying my best to live this way. It’s something you have to work on through reflection and awareness.

How to Make Your Intentions More Thoughtful

In my book, I talk about some changes you can make to be more intentional, including:

• Think about the ideal outcome as your intention and what you need to keep this. With this mindset, circumstances have less power to overtake intentions.
• Remember that the outer world reflects the inner world. If you work to improve your intentions, experiences will as well because you’ve developed a greater awareness of yourself and others.
• Accept that the unexpected is always a probability and prepare accordingly. Remaining focused on vision versus the circumstances enables you to hold your intention.
• Understand that failing to set an intention means circumstances will always win. If you go into situations with no guide on expectation, the circumstances will create these. It doesn’t matter how familiar the scenario is; you must do this. If you don’t, you can’t complain after the fact.
• Align thoughtful intentions with your inner knowledge and core values. The inner self is the authentic self, and the intentions you form need to be true to this. If they are not, you’ll have significant inner turmoil.

Not every thoughtful intention will be easy to set and hold. Having this mindfulness does put you in a good position to be thoughtful consistently.

You can find more insights and examples of thoughtful intentions by reading my book.

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If we never experience the feedback of others, we can only rely on our own. It’s often faulty, so self-correction is seldom. We continue to repeat the same patterns because they are comfortable. This mindset is what I call a bubble state. It’s a major theme in my book The In-Between: Life in the Micro.

In the book, I talk about how limiting bubble states are. They keep us macro-focused, seeking some accomplishment. Nothing connected to achieving this doesn’t matter. It’s a relentless obsession and prevents self-correction. Overcoming it means you have to be open to input from outside sources.

Bubble States Are Insular

Imagine that this bubble state is a literal armor that doesn’t allow anything to penetrate it. Being in this scenario, you never consider anything outside yourself. I know from experience that a bubble state keeps you disconnected. In the end, there’s always collateral damage.

A bubble state is insular and sits in the macro. The outcome could be that you reached your goal but failed to learn lessons and enjoy the micro-moments.

Coming out of a bubble state is a hard journey. It requires reflection and building awareness. A key component is welcoming input and feedback.

Self-Correction Requires Living in the Micro

What happens when you leave the bubble state and live in the micro? It’s like an evolution. You transition from only desiring to achieve the target to learning from the micro-moments. In this shift, you open yourself to connection and feedback.

Living in the micro may seem mundane. Yet, every monumental moment is the result of a million small ones. Setting goals and pursuing them is never a bad trait to have. It’s how you go about it that needs to change.

There are things to learn in every interaction. A brief conversation can have a great impact in the long run. Even if you expressly practice this, you’ll still make mistakes, falling into the trap of a macro focus. I do, however, realize that there are times when I miss feedback in front of me.

There Is No Failure, Only Feedback

When I feel the pull of the macro, I recenter my thoughts to allow me to exist in the in-between. One mantra that helps me do this is reminding myself there is no failure. Most things in life won’t go the way you expect or need. Rather than label it as a failure, I believe there’s only feedback, and taking action delivers this.

When you examine the input you receive, your intentions in a situation can change. You’ll set intentions for every experience, but they need to be agile. Rigid intentions are bubble state behaviors.

Being able to accept feedback is crucial to self-correction, which enables us to become better people, personally and professionally. It can come from family, friends, colleagues, or even a coach. You can’t do this alone, which makes it more difficult. It’s hard to ask for and receive help from others, yet it’s critical to self-correction and finding peace and joy.

Learn more about the value of feedback by reading my book.

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Micro-moments often pass us by. We usually don’t realize their beauty or importance because of an obsession with the macro. The mindset of the macro narrows our lens on the “big” things in life. This often keeps us stuck in the past or focusing on the future.

The micro-moments, however, represent the present. Tuning into this part of your life is the in-between. The story of how I evolved to embrace micro-moments is in my book The In-Between: Life in the Micro.

Micro-Moments Require Presence

For most of my life, the macro was all that mattered. I was going to achieve things my way with little consideration of others. I lost sight of what others needed, and it cost me some relationships. I was unable to make them feel understood, appreciated, and not alone.

Opening up to the meaningfulness of micro-moments means that presence is a requirement. When you’re interacting with others, regardless of the context, you have an opportunity to pay attention and receive value. If you live only in the macro, these moments will mean little and seem like a waste of time. You close yourself down to learning and connection.

I Was Once Dead to Everyday Life

It was a nuisance—something in my way. Those were my feelings about everyday life. Unfortunately, this pattern caused me to lose things in the present because I was too fixated on the future.

Finally, I became tired of this cycle. I had to slow down due to a health issue, which led to lots of reflection and introspection. I had to make a conscious decision to reengage in the present. It required me to shed my ego and closed mindset. I was alive again in the micro-moments.

Aiming for the Future and Not the Present

We all make plans and set goals for the future. There’s nothing wrong with this unless it becomes all-consuming. If every action you take is an aim for the future, the present has no value. I made this mistake countless times and didn’t realize the regret until much later. The key is to not create this regret in the first place by being present and acting true to your instinct and core values.

I was “good” at being present when it was competitive or dangerous. You must be present in these moments, but that was my only outlet. Micro-moments weren’t on my radar.

I don’t want to create more remorse in my life because of not being present in the micro-moments. I can still aspire for the future, but I can also stay grounded in the present.

Core Values Keep Me Present in the Micro-Moment

Core values are our identity. Sometimes, they are helpful; others can be harmful. A life only in the macro runs on values that are self-serving and only about the big goal. Core values evolve when you embrace micro-moments. They allow me to filter decisions so that I’m more authentic and present.

Explore more ideas about the micro and presence by reading my book.

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Identity is fluid if you’re open to evolving and changing. Everything we experience impacts our identity. Mine was once very rigid and self-serving, even when I had the best intentions. However, I realized this wasn’t a healthy path to continue on, and I wanted to shift to a serving state.

How I was able to do this is the heart of my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It focuses on the two unique environments—the micro and macro. The micro is the in-between consisting of all the little moments in life. The macro is the big picture, encompassing goals and milestones.

I spent most of my life only paying attention to the macro. It had devastating consequences until I was able to shift my identity.

Self-Serving vs. Serving States

Being self-serving is necessary for survival, physically or emotionally. We all have barriers that act as protectors. These are more present for those with a history of trauma. I was once in this category. I thought a “me against the world” philosophy was the best one to have. It allowed me to achieve some incredible goals, but my self-serving was often at the expense of others that I cared about.

A serving state steps up in the in-between. It’s empathy and action toward others. I had been working on this shift for some time. Witnessing a bad car accident was a key moment in realizing I’d accomplished this change.

In the moments of the crash, I did not think about how this would impact my day or plans. Instead, I removed my ego from the situation. I was someone who helped others and put their needs first. It was a feeling of purposefulness and connection.

Why Care About the Serving State?

Living a disconnected, macro-focused life may have its advantages. They could be monetary or food for your ego. It’s also a very lonely existence. Loneliness isn’t about isolation or lack of human interaction. Rather, it’s the feeling that no one else could possibly understand you. It becomes easy to serve only yourself.

A serving state is the opposite. You are open to others and give them your attention. This enables authentic connections. An identity that cares about the serving state provides opportunities to have meaningful micro-moments that make us better humans.

The Serving State and Actionable Awareness

Another concept in my book is actionable awareness. It’s the act of observing my thoughts, feelings, and actions in a situation and asking if they are serving me. From there, I want to act on this for myself and others. The action can change all this and be transformative.

In this feedback loop, I also remind myself that there is no failure, only feedback. I’m also listening to my gut and acting on it rather than sitting on the sidelines.

Moving to a serving state requires reflection and an embrace of the micro. You can learn more about how to do this by reading my book.

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Intentions are a normal part of the human experience. We may have the best intentions in mind in a situation, but they can quickly spiral out of control when circumstances change. Typical intentions don’t allow for adaptability. In order to take circumstances out of the equation, we have to make informed decisions throughout our lives.

Informed intentions are a theme in my book The In-Between: Life in the Micro. In this reflective account of my life, I discuss how I evolved from being someone who only focused on the macro—the major goals, priorities, and moments. In doing so, I neglected and rejected the in-between, which describes all the other parts of life.

Let’s look at the idea of informed intentions and how they help you embrace the micro.

What Are Informed Intentions?

An intention is a plan or objective. These are aspirations we expect and desire. They are often abstract in nature. Informed intentions, however, are more concrete, accounting for the information at hand. Setting them revolves around being outcome-driven.

Following this mindset means I develop an intention based on what I want from an experience. It also allows me to avoid getting derailed by changing circumstances. When you hone the ability to do this, getting dysregulated because of the environment happens less often. Further, informed intentions help me be present.

How to Set Informed Intentions

Making this shift in expectations requires some internal work. My book offers many examples. Here are a few insights from those stories:

• Concentrate on the outcome. Guide intentions based on the outcomes you want so circumstances don’t take over.
• Remember that your outer world reflects your inner world. When you have the right internal intentions, experiences improve.
• Consider that the unexpected is always a possibility. Life is full of surprises, and we can’t control them all. Managing intentions and keeping them informed requires focusing on your vision rather than the circumstances.
• Expect circumstances to win if you don’t set an intention. If you approach any scenario without an intention, circumstances will be in the driver’s seat and influence your decisions and responses.
• Align informed intentions with your inner awareness. This internal truth is your authentic self and gut instinct. They are valuable, and you shouldn’t dismiss them. Your informed intentions should be in step with these. When they aren’t, you will face significant internal turmoil.
• Look to awareness as a foundation for making informed intentions a habit. Intentions and awareness should work together. Awareness of self and others is crucial to making informed intentions a natural part of your behavior.

Don’t Let Circumstances Disrupt Intentions

Intentions and circumstances intertwine to create experiences. It’s going to be better if intentions are in charge rather than the circumstances. When you begin to do this on a regular basis, you also grow more connected to the in-between. You can appreciate the micro-moments in life at a completely new level.

Get more insights and practical advice on these concepts by reading my book.

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