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reflection

Reflection Is Part of the Messy and Uncomfortable Growth Process

If you want to grow and evolve as a human, it can be uncomfortable. If it weren’t, we’d all be a bit more aware and enlightened. What I’ve learned is that growth isn’t possible without reflection.

Reflection can come in a moment or much later. Enabling yourself to do this on a regular basis is a hallmark of emotional intelligence. It’s a big part of my new book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It chronicles my successes and failures as a leader, partner, and person. At its core, it’s about welcoming the micro to balance with the macro.

What Is Reflection?

I define reflection as connecting the dots and absorbing a scenario or situation to translate it. We have to reflect on our actions and responses as well as those around us. When we make time for reflection, we can learn from it. It drives greater awareness, which is crucial for growth.

Why Reflection Matters

A life in the macro makes no time for feedback or evolution. It’s the relentless pursuit of goals at the cost of others. Continuing this cycle is a destination for loneliness and repeating the same mistakes.

Reflection needs to be intentional. It should be something you actively practice. You can begin small, but eventually, you’ll need to pay attention to your past regrets. Only when you reflect on these instances in life can you move forward. Otherwise, they limit your capacity to grow.

Reflection and Feedback

When I began to give the in-between the attention it deserved, I was also open to feedback from others. I was able to digest it and not be immediately defensive or dismissive. Now, I see it as an opportunity to learn about others and myself.

By gaining and using this feedback, I was able to become more aware and reflective. It’s a loop, and your growth depends on it remaining so.

Reflection and Insight

From these cycles of feedback, I also gained insight. I could look back at defining traumas in my life with a new lens. I could see how others didn’t reflect and how detrimental that had been. I never wanted to repeat those patterns, but it drove me to be more macro-focused.

The insights, however, keep me in this continuous growth phase. I want to be a better person, so I practice reflection to gain insights.

The insights may not come immediately. You may have to dig deeper to reach an epiphany. The point is to keep trying.

Reflection Is a Spark

Another thing to consider is how reflection is a spark. It ushers in the idea of change because of the feedback and insights. It’s complex but so worth it, as this new perspective can be a moment of transformation. You can continue this progress of growth by being consistent about reflection.

It’s going to be uncomfortable and messy, but reflection is worth the energy. You can learn more about how I embraced reflection by reading my book.

Focusing on the Macro at the Expense of the Moment

Macro and micro are descriptors we use to demonstrate the difference between something large or great and something small. In this instance, the macro represents milestones and the most significant moments in life. The micro is everything else. Internally, it’s hard to balance these two parts, and most give more emphasis to the macro as if they are what truly matters.

However, focusing on the macro and obsessing about it has disadvantages. You miss being present and experiencing the beauty of these moments. In the past, I was a hard charger who relentlessly pursued the macro. It allowed me to achieve many things, but it wasn’t a purposeful life. I realized I’d let too many micro-moments float by and wanted to change the balance. I write about this transformation in my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro.

A Macro-Minded Life Damages Relationships

In many past scenarios, I focused too much on the macro and reaching some objective. I tended to think only of myself and saw any barrier to this success as an inconvenience. I wanted outcomes, not connections. As a result, I lost important relationships.

One instance of this that I describe in my book was reuniting with my partner in Denmark during the pandemic. There were issues with my paperwork and visa. Fixing this problem consumed me, and the micro was lost. The whole reason I was there was to be with her, but I ignored this when circumstances changed.

The macro-obsession caused me to lose touch with the moment, eventually ending with a breakup. I hit rock bottom, but there was some good that came out of it. I decided that I no longer wanted to lose out on the in-between.

Before I began the journey toward change, I started to see more evidence of choosing the macro over the micro. This mindset kept me inside my safe bubble state, and then I had the chance to really reflect during a health crisis.

Reflecting on the Past of Macro vs. Micro

During my recovery, I couldn’t be active and busy, which was foreign to me. I had a lot of time to think and process things from years prior. I thought of my grandpa and his last days. Because I was too worried about the macro, I didn’t say the things I really wanted to in those days. It was a deep regret. Looking back on it years later, I finally realized why I reacted as I did.

Embracing the Micro

During my reflection and rock-bottom moments, I vowed not to let the macro be in control. I wanted to embrace the micro and never lose relationships or interactions again. It’s not an easy transition, and I’m far from perfect. I relinquished the bubble state so I could cultivate awareness and authenticity. It was an important step that allowed me to venture into the in-between with a new perspective.

You can read more about the macro and micro in my book.