How to Be Good at Being Present

Being present means I am here, right now, with you. It's about connecting, really connecting, with myself and with others. When I live this way, my interactions feel real, my relationships feel solid. It's not easy. It takes work.

To be good at this, I have to embrace the in-between. This is where everything happens. It's all the tiny moments, the ones that aren't big milestones. Most of my life is made of these moments, but I spent years ignoring them, always looking for the next big thing. That way of thinking was a problem, no matter what I achieved.

My journey, from obsessing over the big wins to embracing these micro-moments, is the core of my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro.

Is Presence Possible in the Modern World?

Technology is great in many ways, but it certainly impacts how we engage with others. It brings many opportunities for distraction as much as it does connection. By turning our attention to whoever or whatever is in front of us, presence is possible. One thing I practice to support being present is monotasking. It’s the opposite of multitasking and allows me to concentrate on one thing, not a million.

Being Present Requires Active Listening

One of the most important scenarios for being present is when others are in need. We can be there for others when we tune in to them and show empathy. You’ll need to be an active listener so you can ask insightful questions and show support.

Being an active listener also means quieting your internal dialogue. You have to get outside of your own head to be a present and caring presence. You can also tap into feelings you’ve had when someone wasn’t present for you. That discomfort and hurt will help you not repeat the mistakes of those who failed you.

You should also pay attention to your body, taking deep breaths when you begin to drift to the past or future.

Micro-Moments Are the Present

Macro-minded people spend most of their time in the past or present. They replay big mistakes or regrets or pursue only a future objective. Staying in this state means that the present doesn’t get its fair share of attention.

In evolving to a place where the micro matters, you’ll realize it is the present. What you’re doing right now has great value in your story, no matter how inconsequential it seems. There are unexpected encounters and connections you’ll miss out on if you avoid being present.

The danger of casting off the present is that you can lose something you care about for the future. It’s a cyclical situation that can happen over and over.

However, you don’t have to stay in this pattern. You can change and grow by becoming aware, which leads to patience and empathy. These skills will bode well for you no matter what you experience. They keep you centered and in touch with the in-between.

You can start your path of being present by reading my book.

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