Shedding Your Defense Modes

I have been in defense mode more times than I can count. It is a normal human reaction, a self-preservation behavior. Sometimes, it happens when someone attacks me. Other times, it is a trauma response; I am trying to protect myself. And sometimes, I get defensive when I know I am in the wrong, and I just want to let myself off the hook.

Can I eliminate defense modes completely? No, they are part of my biology. But I can become aware of them and try to redefine how they show up in my life.

I discuss defense modes in my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It is my story. I talk about all the things I got wrong and how I recalculated my world to notice the micro and let go of my obsession with the macro.

The micro represents all the pieces of normal life. The macro refers only to the milestones or goals we’re expecting to achieve.

What Are Defense Modes?

Defense modes describe thoughts, feelings, and behaviors revolving around a need to protect. They are often the result of overwhelming emotions or situations. They can occur internally or externally. Science says it’s an actual biological response with physiological changes.

Thus, you can’t will yourself to avoid defense modes. It’s part of human nature. However, you can begin to recognize the patterns and correct them.

Defense Modes Cloud Judgment and Connection

When I’ve been in defense mode before, I had a singular mindset. I needed to fix whatever the problem was at the cost of everything else. I didn’t “see” the people around me or what my behavior was causing.

Defense modes keep us in the macro. This tunnel vision has collateral damage. My defense modes were to set goals and achieve them, with my destiny within my control. That’s what I believed was happening.

Why wouldn’t I want to resolve the issue that kicked up my defense mode? It would seem the natural response. However, a hyper-focus on the macro puts relationships at risk. Those caught up in this whirlwind were left feeling unappreciated.

I was trying desperately to overcome a challenge and remedy the problem. I cared so much about the future; I lost the present. My strengths have always involved setting and achieving goals. I thought this was an honorable trait. It is to some extent, but when it takes over our identity and life, defense modes become the rule rather than the exception.

Moving Away from Defense Modes

The best thing you can do to curtail defense modes is to reflect on previous moments. You have to build awareness around your responses. Reflection matters in how you proceed. In the moment, you should pause and consider why defense modes have arrived. You also have to embrace the micro as an approach to life.

Defense modes will never completely disappear. Understanding them and creating new behaviors will help. For more thoughts on the topic, check out my book.