There are many variations of the concept of the loneliness of humanness. They say we are born and die alone. In between those two moments, we create connections and relationships so we aren’t alone in times of need.No one wants to weather the world without someone in their corner. Yet, loneliness is almost an epidemic. Research shows that loneliness has an impact on our mental and physical health.
Loneliness doesn’t inherently mean the same as isolation or a lack of social ties. You can be lonely in a room full of people or a family of many. We don’t all crave the closeness of others. Trauma will certainly make you feel guarded. It also creates the idea that you’re better off alone because people will disappoint and leave you.
I was once someone whose identity was, “I don’t need anyone. I can do it all by myself.” That mindset kept me closed and held everyone else at bay. This perspective is one that I discuss in my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. The in-between or micro aspect of life describes all the little things that lead up to the biggest moments of life.
My internal thoughts and focus were on the macro of life—the big goals we set and do anything to achieve. It was a lonely existence, but deep inside, I knew that neither I nor anyone wanted to feel alone in times of need.
Human Connection Makes Us Human
In my book, I open with the experience of witnessing a car accident. It’s something that happens every day, but this was different for me. I became a helper at that moment, trying to assist those in the crash. One injured woman was desperate for us to call her husband. She needed to hear his voice, that connection.
It was an emotional moment and a good reminder that I don’t want to be alone in times of need. In the past, I was too obsessed with the macro. With an unwavering focus on some objective, I lost sight of what others around me needed. I was lonely, and so were they.
The micro-moments bring to light what we all need and deserve—to feel understood, appreciated, and not alone.
Most people have a great capability of being supportive and empathetic. We just forget it sometimes because of our internal mantra of achieving a singular objective.
Spending Time Alone and Fearful Led to Real Connection
In the book, I also write about having blood clots and how scary it was. I thought I’d die alone, and it was frightening. I spent a lot of time alone recovering from this health scare. It was a time of introspection, as I was trying to evolve myself into a better version.
It was a low point. However, it was a growth time, too. This introspection led to living in the micro and being able to embrace the in-between. Learn more about my transformation by reading my book.
