micro

Acting With Intention: What It Means and How to Make It a Habit

August 20, 2024 by Kelley Taylor

Are we always acting with intention? Sometimes, we are aware of it; other times, it seems like it’s just a reaction. Intention can also be a double-edged sword. In one way, it gives us confidence and enables us to use awareness. On the other hand, we can assign intention to a situation that just doesn’t add up.

Intention shapes much of our interactions. It should be something we practice to become better humans. It’s a major part of my new book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. In the book, I discuss my life and how I’ve shifted my intention to the in-between versus only using it for the big episodes of life.

What Does Intention Mean in the In-Between?

When you think of intention, you may have a very straightforward definition. You set a goal and do what you must to achieve it. Your intention is narrow, focused, and resolute. Those intentions can support success, but they also create an obsession with the macro.

Intention in the in-between is different. I had to snap out of a bubble of the macro to get to this place. Two life-and-death experiences nudged me into this new phase. I had time to reflect on regrets and missed opportunities. I realized my life of intention was as strong as a house of cards. It is only related to the macro.

Living intentionally in the in-between means I am open to all experiences. I don’t come into them with a negative mindset. I can be more patient and welcoming, and these intentions don’t waver even if circumstances arise that change the moment. In the past, such an incident would have made me frustrated and angry.

Acting with Intention in the Micro Creates Joy, Peace, and Connection

The payoff of acting with intention in the micro is the opportunity for joy, peace, and connection. In my book, I tell the story of an Ironman competition, which had been a macro goal for many years. This time was different. Instead of being consumed by the macro of finishing the race, I embraced the in-between and helped a fellow racer. In that moment of intention, I was living a value that was critical to me—helping others.

What I got from the moment was a connection to someone else. It supported my growth and demonstrated how intention was now firmly embedded into the micro.

Applying Intention to Any Moment

Our life is a collection of moments, big and small. If we look at each as a chance to apply intention, it becomes a habit. It’s about setting the tone. If we go into situations with a clear and open mind, we can take much value from them. Practicing intention is similar to being mindful and present. You’ll have to be deliberate about this. Eventually, it will become second nature to look at your day ahead in this way.

You can explore more about acting with intention in the in-between by reading my book.

No One Wants to Feel Alone in Times of Need

August 6, 2024 by Kelley Taylor

There are many variations of the concept of the loneliness of humanness. They say we are born and die alone. In between those two moments, we create connections and relationships so we aren’t alone in times of need.

No one wants to weather the world without someone in their corner. Yet, loneliness is almost an epidemic. Research shows that loneliness has an impact on our mental and physical health.

Loneliness doesn’t inherently mean the same as isolation or a lack of social ties. You can be lonely in a room full of people or a family of many. We don’t all crave the closeness of others. Trauma will certainly make you feel guarded. It also creates the idea that you’re better off alone because people will disappoint and leave you.

I was once someone whose identity was, “I don’t need anyone. I can do it all by myself.” That mindset kept me closed and held everyone else at bay. This perspective is one that I discuss in my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. The in-between or micro aspect of life describes all the little things that lead up to the biggest moments of life.

My internal thoughts and focus were on the macro of life—the big goals we set and do anything to achieve. It was a lonely existence, but deep inside, I knew that neither I nor anyone wanted to feel alone in times of need.

Human Connection Makes Us Human

In my book, I open with the experience of witnessing a car accident. It’s something that happens every day, but this was different for me. I became a helper at that moment, trying to assist those in the crash. One injured woman was desperate for us to call her husband. She needed to hear his voice, that connection.

It was an emotional moment and a good reminder that I don’t want to be alone in times of need. In the past, I was too obsessed with the macro. With an unwavering focus on some objective, I lost sight of what others around me needed. I was lonely, and so were they.

The micro-moments bring to light what we all need and deserve—to feel understood, appreciated, and not alone.

Most people have a great capability of being supportive and empathetic. We just forget it sometimes because of our internal mantra of achieving a singular objective.

Spending Time Alone and Fearful Led to Real Connection

In the book, I also write about having blood clots and how scary it was. I thought I’d die alone, and it was frightening. I spent a lot of time alone recovering from this health scare. It was a time of introspection, as I was trying to evolve myself into a better version.

It was a low point. However, it was a growth time, too. This introspection led to living in the micro and being able to embrace the in-between. Learn more about my transformation by reading my book.

Trying to Do the Right Thing and Getting It All Wrong

August 2, 2024 by Kelley Taylor

Most of us are always trying to do the right thing. Except, we often get it all wrong. I came to this realization while I was recuperating from a health incident. I finally had time to reflect rather than constantly pushing toward accomplishing the next thing.

This aha moment is part of my new book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It’s a story about how I was once obsessed with the macro. Being in this state meant I was always chasing some big goal and not noticing all the collateral damage. Stepping back and reflecting enabled me to find the beauty of the micro, which are the authentic moments in life.

So, why was I trying to do the right thing and getting it all wrong?

Reassessing What Matters

During my recovery, I finally slowed down enough to examine my life and what mattered. Achieving personal and professional goals was a big part of my identity. I was a thinker and a doer. I set intentions and followed through, and that’s never a bad trait to have.

However, pursuing these objectives meant I wasn’t tuned into those around me or my feelings. I thought I was, but my motivations weren’t always the “right” ones. During this time, I recalled some points in my life where I did get it all wrong because I was too focused on the future and not the present.

One was the death of my grandfather. He mattered to me, but I was unable to express this as he lay dying. I felt self-conscious and confused. I ignored my gut instinct to do or say something more meaningful.

Why? My ego was in the way. I’ve recalled this experience as I’ve grown older, and it’s a regret I live with now. However, this deep reflection led to a path of living in the in-between with intention.

How Do We Eventually Get It Right?

The best thing we can do to embrace the micro and get it right more often than not is to burst the bubble state. A bubble state forms when we focus and obsess over the macro. It keeps us from seeing the in-between. It locks us into a closed mindset and belief system.

We cannot get it right without bursting the bubble state. We have to remove the barriers of overthinking and ignoring our instincts.

It doesn’t happen overnight. There’s work to do to improve our awareness and empathy. Looking back, I can now understand why I got it wrong but didn’t know it. It’s not a black-and-white scenario where right and wrong are apparent. There are only shades of gray; we can move forward with getting it right when we define and hold to our core values.

If you want to move in this direction, you must reflect objectively. My book offers insights and inspiration to help you do this.

Shedding Your Defense Modes

July 23, 2024 by Kelley Taylor

Everybody has the capacity to shift into defense mode. It’s a normal reaction to go into self-preservation behaviors. Sometimes, they occur when others are personally attacking us. Other times, they are more of a trauma response as we seek to protect ourselves. Other times, defense modes are a way to let ourselves off the hook when we are in the wrong.

Can you completely shed a defense mode? Not really, as they are built into our biology. What we can do is become aware of them and attempt to redefine how they present themselves in our lives.

The discussion of defense modes is part of my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It’s the story of my journey. In it, I talk about all the things I got wrong and how I recalculated my world to take notice of the micro and let go of the obsession with the macro.

The micro represents all the pieces of normal life. The macro refers only to the milestones or goals we’re expecting to achieve.

What Are Defense Modes?

Defense modes describe thoughts, feelings, and behaviors revolving around a need to protect. They are often the result of overwhelming emotions or situations. They can occur internally or externally. Science says it’s an actual biological response with physiological changes.

Thus, you can’t will yourself to avoid defense modes. It’s part of human nature. However, you can begin to recognize the patterns and correct them.

Defense Modes Cloud Judgment and Connection

When I’ve been in defense mode before, I had a singular mindset. I needed to fix whatever the problem was at the cost of everything else. I didn’t “see” the people around me or what my behavior was causing.

Defense modes keep us in the macro. This tunnel vision has collateral damage. My defense modes were to set goals and achieve them, with my destiny within my control. That’s what I believed was happening.

Why wouldn’t I want to resolve the issue that kicked up my defense mode? It would seem the natural response. However, a hyper-focus on the macro puts relationships at risk. Those caught up in this whirlwind were left feeling unappreciated.

I was trying desperately to overcome a challenge and remedy the problem. I cared so much about the future; I lost the present. My strengths have always involved setting and achieving goals. I thought this was an honorable trait. It is to some extent, but when it takes over our identity and life, defense modes become the rule rather than the exception.

Moving Away from Defense Modes

The best thing you can do to curtail defense modes is to reflect on previous moments. You have to build awareness around your responses. Reflection matters in how you proceed. In the moment, you should pause and consider why defense modes have arrived. You also have to embrace the micro as an approach to life.

Defense modes will never completely disappear. Understanding them and creating new behaviors will help. For more thoughts on the topic, check out my book.

Shifting Your Identity to a Serving State

June 26, 2024 by Kelley Taylor

Identity is fluid if you’re open to evolving and changing. Everything we experience impacts our identity. Mine was once very rigid and self-serving, even when I had the best intentions. However, I realized this wasn’t a healthy path to continue on, and I wanted to shift to a serving state.

How I was able to do this is the heart of my book, The In-Between: Life in the Micro. It focuses on the two unique environments—the micro and macro. The micro is the in-between consisting of all the little moments in life. The macro is the big picture, encompassing goals and milestones.

I spent most of my life only paying attention to the macro. It had devastating consequences until I was able to shift my identity.

Self-Serving vs. Serving States

Being self-serving is necessary for survival, physically or emotionally. We all have barriers that act as protectors. These are more present for those with a history of trauma. I was once in this category. I thought a “me against the world” philosophy was the best one to have. It allowed me to achieve some incredible goals, but my self-serving was often at the expense of others that I cared about.

A serving state steps up in the in-between. It’s empathy and action toward others. I had been working on this shift for some time. Witnessing a bad car accident was a key moment in realizing I’d accomplished this change.

In the moments of the crash, I did not think about how this would impact my day or plans. Instead, I removed my ego from the situation. I was someone who helped others and put their needs first. It was a feeling of purposefulness and connection.

Why Care About the Serving State?

Living a disconnected, macro-focused life may have its advantages. They could be monetary or food for your ego. It’s also a very lonely existence. Loneliness isn’t about isolation or lack of human interaction. Rather, it’s the feeling that no one else could possibly understand you. It becomes easy to serve only yourself.

A serving state is the opposite. You are open to others and give them your attention. This enables authentic connections. An identity that cares about the serving state provides opportunities to have meaningful micro-moments that make us better humans.

The Serving State and Actionable Awareness

Another concept in my book is actionable awareness. It’s the act of observing my thoughts, feelings, and actions in a situation and asking if they are serving me. From there, I want to act on this for myself and others. The action can change all this and be transformative.

In this feedback loop, I also remind myself that there is no failure, only feedback. I’m also listening to my gut and acting on it rather than sitting on the sidelines.

Moving to a serving state requires reflection and an embrace of the micro. You can learn more about how to do this by reading my book.